I'VE GOT MY SWINE FLU MASK AND I'M READY.

AS HYSTERIA BUILDS THIS WEEK ABOUT THE NEXT BIG THING TO KILL US ALL, I HAVE TAKEN THE IMPORTANT STEPS OF IDENTIFYING NEIGHBOURS WHO ARE STOCKPILING FOOD AND DRINK, AS SUGGESTED BE DONE BY THE GOVERNMENT, WHICH IS REALLY JUST AN ATTEMPT TO BOOST RETAIL SALES BY GETTING PEOPLE TO SPEND THEIR STIMULUS PACKAGE, SO I WILL KNOW WHERE TO EAT, AND I BOUGHT A FACE MASK TO PROTECT ME.
AMONG SOME OF THE MORE INSANE THINGS DONE AND SAID, THE INDONESIAN MINISTER FOR HEALTH ANNOUNCED THAT INDONESIANS WOULD BE SAFE BECAUSE IT REALLY ONLY HAD TO DO WITH PEOPLE WITH SPANISH BLOOD!!!???, AND IN EGYPT, THERE WERE MASS SLAUGHTERINGS OF PIGS TO SHOW THE PEOPLE THE GOVERNMENT WAS ACTING.