SUSAN BOYLE HAS 75 MILLION HITS!

WELL, THAT'S MORE HITS THAN ELVIS AND THE BEATLES PUT TOGETHER! YOU TUBE HITS, THAT IS!
FROM MOCKED TV VICTIM TO MAJOR CELEBRITY IN A WEEK, SUSAN BOYLE MAY JUST HAVE THE LAST LAUGH. I HOPE SO.

UGLY WOMAN CAN SING!

THE WORLD WAS AMAZED THIS WEEK WHEN ON BRITISH TV SHOW, "BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT", A RATHER HOMELY LOOKING WOMAN SANG AND SOUNDED GOOD. I'M SURE THE JUDGES AND AUDIENCE WERE EXPECTING SOMETHING PRETTY RANK, AND WERE BAYING FOR BLOOD. SUSAN BOYLE HAD THE AUDACITY AND CONFIDENCE TO DELIVER A VERY SURPRISING PERFORMANCE, PROMPTING FAMOUS PEOPLE TO SAY THEY WERE REDUCED TO TEARS. IT WAS QUICKLY POINTED OUT TO THE WORLD THAT SHE WAS STILL A VIRGIN AND HAD NEVER BEEN KISSED. WE NEEDED TO KNOW THAT, DIDN'T WE?

THE BLUESBUSTERS

HERE ARE THE BLUESBUSTERS, VERY OLD FRIENDS OF MINE. JOHN RUSSELL AND WAYNE THOMAS, LEFT AND SECOND LEFT,ARE OLD BAND MATES FROM FLAKE, THEO PENGILIS, AND THE PHOTOSHOPPED ROB ASKEW ON BASS. CHECK OUT THERE WEBSITE FOR ALL INFO ON GIGS, BIOS, DOWNLOADS ETC.
http://www.nextbestthing.com.au/Bluesbusters/

DAVE'S COME BACK MAN

AFTER 25 YEARS OF STONED COLD SILENCE, CHEECH AND CHONG ARE BACK TOGETHER AND TOURING. THEY ARE IN SYDNEY AT THE ENMORE THEATRE DURING LATE APRIL.

THE THRILLER AND THE KILLER

IS MICHAEL JACKSON TRYING TO LOOK LIKE PHIL SPECTOR? DO THEY HAVE THE SAME PLASTIC SURGEON? PHIL SPECTOR HAS BEEN FOUND GUILTY OF MURDER.
WHAT A TRAGIC END TO A GREAT CAREER.

AMANDA FELL FROM HER VESPA

AUSTRALIA'S AMBASSADOR TO ITALY FELL FROM HER VESPA OVERNIGHT AND IT REGISTERED 6.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE AND CAUSED WIDESPREAD DESTRUCTION.

FAMOUS PEOPLE ARE AT IT AGAIN

IN THE FINE TRADITION OF CELEBRITIES GIVING THEIR POOR KIDS STUPID NAMES, JAMIE OLIVER AND HIS WIFE, JOOLS HAVE NAMED THEIR NEW DAUGHTER PETAL BLOSSOM RAINBOW. THEIR OTHER DAUGHTERS ARE POPPY HONEY AND DAISY BOO.
I REMEMBER TINY TIM NAMED A DAUGHTER KLEENEX AND FRANK ZAPPA HAD DWEEZEL AND MOON UNIT. DID THEY START THIS, OR ARE THERE EARLIER EXAMPLES?

MY WIFE IS BECOMING A SMART ARSE.

THERE IS ALL SORTS OF STUFF GOING ON AT THE MOMENT IN THE PRESS ABOUT BIKIE GANGS.
POLICE RAIDED A GUY YESTERDAY AND HE WAS ARRESTED FOR POSSESSION OF ILLEGAL FIREARMS AND HAVING VIAGRA WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION! I SAID THAT HE WAS ORGANIZING A STICK UP, SHE SAID BECAUSE HE WAS ALREADY CAUGHT IT WAS A COCK UP. SHE HAS BEEN MARRIED TO ME FAR TOO LONG.
ANYWAY, APART FROM ALL OF THAT, IMAGINE WHAT SHIT THIS GUY WILL GET FROM HIS TOUGH BIKIE MATES!!!!!

I'M ON HOLIDAYS, THANK GOD, IF THERE WAS ONE!

I WENT TO A TRIBUNAL THING ON WEDNESDAY, A STATE GOVERNMENT THING, THE CTTT, WELL WHAT A DISGRACE. MY DAUGHTER OVERPAID RENT BY ABOUT $700, SO WE THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD WAY TO RESOLVE THE MATTER. THIS IS A NSW GOVERNMENT BODY, THE CONSUMER TRADER TENANCY TRIBUNAL. AS I SAID, MY DAUGHTER HAD OVER PAID HER RENT AND WANTED IT RECTIFIED. THERE HAD BEEN A CHANGE OF AGENT AND APPARENTLY A CHANGE OF LANDLORD. MY DAUGHTER ARRIVED ARMED WITH ALL THE FACTS, I WAS WITH HER FOR MORAL SUPPORT, AND SHE WAS TREATED WITH CONTEMPT, THE WOMAN WHO WAS SUPPOSEDLY HEARING THE CASE WAS RUDE ARROGANT AND DISMISSIVE, ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. IT WAS NOT JUST US WHO RECEIVED THIS TREATMENT, BUT EVERYONE IN THE HEARING ROOM. I TOOK A DAY OFF WORK TO ATTEND THIS FARCE. IS THIS THE WAY PEOPLE ARE TREATED THESE DAYS? THIS HEARING WAS IN GOSFORD. SHE INTIMIDATED MY DAUGHTER SO MUCH, MY DAUGHTER FELT SO SICK THAT SHE WITHDREW HER CLAIM.
WHAT A DISGRACE!!!!
THIS POST WILL BE FORWARDED TO MY STATE MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT, I HOPE SHE RESPONDS!

THE MOTORIZED BAR STOOL

THIS IS IN TODAY'S SMH, I LOVE IT.
IT REMINDS ME OF A STORY MANY YEARS AGO WHEN COMEDIAN PETER COOK WAS IN FRONT OF THE BEAK ON DRINK DRIVING CHARGES AND ORDERED NOT TO DRIVE FOR A CERTAIN PERIOD. COOK ASKED THE JUDGE IF THAT INCLUDED POWER ASSISTED PUSH BIKES AND MOTORISED LAWNMOWERS.
THE BEAK CONFIRMED THAT IT DID.

Drunk crashes motorised bar stool

• April 1, 2009 - 1:17PM

Drink driving ... police in Newark charged a man after he crashed his motorised bar stool. Photo: AP

Authorities in Ohio say a US man has been charged with drink driving after crashing his motorised bar stool.

Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower.

Kile Wygle, 28, went to hospital with minor injuries. Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers.

Wygle told police his motorised bar stool can go up to 38mph.

Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial.